We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
