I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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