Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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