I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
