you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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