I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
