So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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