Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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