No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
