pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
