i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
