We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
