I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
