I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
