I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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