Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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