At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
