Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
