I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
