Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
