i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
