All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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