I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
