Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
