i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost