I wannas sexs uuuuu
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face