she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
