life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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