I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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