my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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