When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
