My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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