After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize