I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
