i would punch a child for taco bell
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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