HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
