Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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