I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
