hell yes lets make some ravioli
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
one might say we're banned from that church
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
