Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
