some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
