Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
