hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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