My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
