i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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