I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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