i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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