Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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