If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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