I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
