SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.