So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial