I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you