Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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  (917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3256) Bad night (787)
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  (845): View more from New York

  For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail

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  (845): For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail http://tfl.nu/lqnd
  Replies (6) Good night (4259) Bad night (619)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin

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  (847): but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin http://tfl.nu/l2xr
  Replies (11) Good night (5910) Bad night (1132)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.

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  (937): We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard. http://tfl.nu/l7xl
  Replies (10) Good night (4048) Bad night (1080)
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  (619): View more from California

  I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.

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  (619): I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me. http://tfl.nu/zz8y
  Replies (3) Good night (794) Bad night (2645)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.

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  (832): Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face. http://tfl.nu/c54m
  Replies (5) Good night (3084) Bad night (4292)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.

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  (+44): You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery. http://tfl.nu/036p
  Replies (7) Good night (1406) Bad night (2165)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.

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  (540): Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run. http://tfl.nu/gma4
  Replies (3) Good night (1964) Bad night (636)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH

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  (775): I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ef88
  Replies (9) Good night (2201) Bad night (711)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.

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  (250): Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear. http://tfl.nu/ufbe
  Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (352)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice

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  (843): You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice http://tfl.nu/t6a0
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (604)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.

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  (518): He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard. http://tfl.nu/suwu
  Replies (6) Good night (398) Bad night (728)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?

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  (801): What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE? http://tfl.nu/0e68
  Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (248)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.

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  (585): You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe. http://tfl.nu/6475
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.

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  (970): Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/bzxi
  Replies (1) Good night (318) Bad night (488)

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