i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way