i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"