I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high