What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
