dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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