this boner is exhausting
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
