ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh god it's open bar.