Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?