Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
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Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween