even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
NoShamevember. You game?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
