I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
