Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
