Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
