Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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