I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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