u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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