u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
