I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
