Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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