it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
