3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we're making bets on your personal life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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