i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
