You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
