Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
