Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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