Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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