"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
