This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
