How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
