Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
